18th Feb!!

Its the happiest time of the year.. When I am self-declaredly the Queen Bee (i almost always even imagine a tiara on my head!!) and no one or nothing gets to spoil my happiness!!

Midnight celebrations, cake on the face, fav flowers, gifts (small or big), fav chocolates, hugs and kisses, phone calls from all over the world, going to sleep with the biggest smile on my face, waking up feeling like a princess, floating through the day in my own dream land, meeting loved ones, more hugs and kisses, preferably not working the entire day, taking the longest, most luxurious bath ever, dressing up, again meeting fav people, eating my fav food, drinking, doing everything that makes me happy.. Actually even not doing anything great makes me super happy that day!!

I wonder how and when this feeling grew.. But as far as I can remember, I've always looked forward to this day with utmost excitement and I hate it if some year another event or person shares my limelight that day - Like sharing my birthday with a classmate in school meant I had to go with him to distribute sweets through the school! Made me so sad!! This year, my sister is the culprit.. 18th of February is only supposed to be my birthday.. Nothing else!! :P

I doubt the importance I attach to my birthday will ever diminish.. I'm sure I'll want to cut a cake at 12 midnight even when I turn 60..75.. and 80!! It is the day when I celebrate Me! And I don't want to ever stop doing that! Coz "main abhi bhi apni favourite hoon.. aur hamesha rahoongi!!"

Happy Birthday to Me!! :-))

10 things that bug Me

1. Judgmental People

And I thought I was done with my share while I was in engineering college! But I was in for a surprise!! They are omnipresent!! And they love targetting out-of-line idiosyncrasies!
Ok.. Honestly.. even I silently analyse people around me all the time (its the best way to kill time when you are travelling in Mumbai local trains!) but I don't alter my behaviour towards someone based on my (possibly incorrect) perceptions!
I'm referring to the kinds who, when they see a girl (or a guy for that matter) drinking / smoking and immediately tag her / him "wasted", "spoilt brat", "useless" and the likes.. Professors (and bosses alike) who see a boy and a girl talking and getting friendly and immediately make a mental note of giving them minimum marks in termwork!
Seen a lot of them.. We know that they'll always be there.. But the world would have been a better place if there weren't people judging others and screwing their happiness!

2. Hypocrisy

People who don't have the courage to stand up to their ideologies and they change them - usually under pressure of social acceptance or simple peer pressure. The need to have desirable and publicly approved traits is so high that they feign any behaviour that will satisfy the need.
I dont think hypocrisy can cease to exist.. I just feel sorry for those people who will wake up one day with no sense of identity left..
All of us have our flaws.. And all of us have our spot under the sun! Then why the need to change?!?! Love yourself.. Everyone else will follow! ;-)

3. Political Correctness

Realised this more so when I started my professional life.. Under the scare of the big boss, most employees forget what they believe in and do or say only what the boss would like to hear!
I agree that to a certain extent, keeping your boss happy is mandatory.. but not at the cost of killing your beliefs and principles!

4. Dirty Nails

I made my boss cut his toe nails because they were way too dirty and unacceptable as decent living conditions! I cant stand them! Period!

5. Bad Breath

Two extra minutes every morning! That is all it takes! Wonder why dont people do it then! Or else just use Mint people! Mint! :P

6. The Sound of Velcro

I think this is more of a disorder than anything else! U have them everywhere! On bags, wallets, pouches, folders!! And each time it goes open n close.. I can feel goose bumps rising on my flesh!

7. False Pretenses

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken!! Isn't it simpler and so much more easier to just be U..

8. People who honk at a red signal / traffic jams

Even I am impatient.. very! But seriously what is the goddamn point of honking when 50 cars up ahead of u are stuck! Duh! Utilise this time effectively.. plug on that handsfree and return the calls u missed while u were at work.. Listen to ur fav music.. Learn time management!

9. Pink

No explanations. The only two pink pieces of clothing I own were both not bought by me! Though I must admit that gradually the dislike for the colour in itself is reducing.. the aversion to wear pink is because I'm not a pink person! If u know what I mean...

10. Ignorance of Me

I detest it when people (loved ones actually) do not return my calls or texts or emails! Especially when it is more than just another call.. or it is one of those 6 part linked texts / long e-mails which were written with more thought than I put into my curriculum vitae! Aarggh!
People who've known me, know this about me.. Some have improved.. Most others just love to see me squirm in disgust at the ignorance I receive!

P.S.: The reason behind this post is that me and 2 of my "besht" friends decided to post on the same topic and at the same time! Just another one of those weird ideas we came up with! Just in case you are interested.. the links to the other two are

http://conceptlife.blogspot.com/
http://thought-for-the-blog.blogspot.com/

“Do I want answers to all my questions?? … Nah!!” ;-)

A dear friend (P3) is reading “The road less traveled” and she is going gaga over it! She says she finds all her questions answered in the book.. Why am I weird? Why are parents the way they are? Love etc etc...

But do I want all my questions answered? Not really... Taking inspiration from a very dear friend (who I don’t speak to anymore.. but some memories remain)... He always said “Neha agar tujhe pata chal jaaye ki aage kya hone waala hai.. will you enjoy life?” And against my wishes, I always found myself agreeing with him!

I said the same thing to P3.. do you really want all your questions answered? Don’t you wanna enjoy unraveling the mysteries instead? I think Life will become monotonous if you have all the answers! The quest called life will come to an end! I think (as per the best of my thinking abilities!) the true meaning of life is the fact that we don’t know jackshit about it but we still are breathing it, living it... every moment.. aren’t we?! Why would someone want to take away all the fun from that everyday uncertainty.. the anxiety.. the fear of the unknown! Doesn’t it give you a thrill to not know what is going to happen next and yet keep playing the game… keep planning your next move in anticipation of what follows!!??

Tell me something...

Would Harry Potter have been as big a hero if he had already known everything about the seven horcruxes and finished them in one week straight?!?!

Would Frodo Baggins have been as big a success if he would have known the way to Mordor at the back of his hand?

Would winning that final match be as exciting if you would’ve known the results already?

Would proposing to the love of your life be as interesting if you knew the reply beforehand?

...No right??

I believe you’ve got to let Life surprise you!! Though the bad surprises seem to outnumber the good ones... but if it weren’t for the bad surprises.. the good ones wouldn’t have been half as good!

For the more materialistic ones… here’s a very carnal analogy..
Each time H (the babe) & D (the dude) have brilliant sex.. they think they can’t top it.. but sooner than later they do.. And then D asks H what made it better this time? And H says “who the fuck wants to know?!?! Let it be a mystery na.. That ways, sometimes u stumble upon the jackpot.. sometimes u don’t... but when u do.. it’s Orgasmic!! ;-)”

So yeah.. this quest called Life is similar.. Who the fuck wants to know what clicks when! U keep working towards it (of course).. and then one day you go Eureka! :D

2010

6 months since I started working..
1 year since I became a post graduate..
1 year since I turned 25..
1.5 years since I lost Bitto..
3 years since I last wrote..
4.5 years since I graduated with an engineering degree..
4.5 years since I started my first job ever..
8 years since my first massive heart break..
8.5 years since I've been living away from home..
10 years since I wrote my first board exam..
11 years since my first kiss..

... The last decade has been eventful.. to say the least! It brought most of the important, life changing, milestone-ish events in my life! I look back to realise that I have come a long long way from the Neha Mordia that I was to the Neha Mordia that I am.. and I can say with utmost surety that I have no regrets whatsoever!! Each mistake, each goof up, each lesson, each success and of course each failure has changed me... but i regret none!

Moving out to a hostel was I guess the best thing that could happen to me. That is where I started the journey to understanding the core of me and growing up to becoming Me. I suddenly had all the space I ever wanted :) Not physically of course.. since COEP hostels were anything but spacious! But mentally, yes! I was the least homesick kid.. and would usually be the one providing solace to the other depressed souls..

It is too big a time span for me to capture every essence of it here.. Lemme try n put down a few of my fav learnings..

• Love Yourself.
• All females are bitches. Period. Love them for that :-)
• All men (necessarily) are dogs. And we love them for that. The sooner we accept that, the sooner the world will become a happier place.
• No matter how much you love him, no matter how much he loves and adores you, You will ALWAYS need your girlfriends! There is no replacement for a soothing chat/gossip session over coffee and chocolate!
• Moms are super cute. No.. Seriously. Much more than we think they are!
• A good first boss can change your perspective towards a lot of things in your professional life! I'm lucky I had one :-)
• Forgive/Apologise.. with all your heart.. No matter how huge the offense committed..
• Fall in love.. Break your heart.. And fall in love again :-)
• Never spend Diwali (or Eid) alone! Never ever!! And preferably with immediate family always!!
• Call up old friends.. You'll be surprised to know that they were actually glad you called :-)
• Dont crib about PMS. Rather try utilising it as an opportunity to truly be yourself.. When someone complains of eccentric behaviour, u can pass it off by saying "Sorry.. PMSing.." :P
• When you are feeling low on self worth, go back to your alma mater. Don't be too amazed when you realize that all those teachers and professors you thought despised you, actually saw the "spark" in you before you did!
• I love my space and how! It is healthy i believe.. i dont trespass into your boundaries, you dont trespass into mine.
• Figure out what you love doing.. and work on that. Dont get stuck in doing work you do not love.. Life will be unimaginably sad! They say this in all the gyaan sessions/books/websites.. and its not even funny how true it is!
• It is sad that it took the loss of someone very very dear for the realization to hit that Life is unpredictable and hence very precious! Whether you plan it all or live each moment as it comes, just ensure that you live it up to the maximum, do your own thing..
• Do not let go of your idioysncrasies.. They make you.. You! And not a photocopy of a desired image! Like someone wise once said "I'd rather be hated for who I am instead of being loved for what I am not"

I look back upon a quarter of a century and thankfully I can smile. Here's hoping the smile stays inthe years to come! :-)

Cheers 2010!! :D

Please Listen

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you've not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.
Listen! All I ask is that you listen.
Don't talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get you loads of it in the local newspaper.
And I can do for myself; i am not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering but not helpless.
When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and inadequacy.
But when you accept as a simple fact that, I feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then i can stop trying to convince you and get about this business of understanding what's behind this irrational feeling.
And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind them.
Perhaps that's why prayers work, sometimes for some people - because God is mute; and He doesn't give advice or try to fix things.
God just listens and lets you work it out for yourself.
So please listen and just hear me.
And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn - and I will listen to you!

i knw....

gues i use tht a lot whn i talk...
but how much do i realy knw?? good qtion..

i dnt knw wats happenin in a month frm now.. i dnt knw wat wil happen in d 1st week of jan... i dnt knw wats goin to happen to me in 2 mnths frm nw... if these r baseless qtions coz they r related to d future... chuck these...
i dnt knw wat i want frm life... frm my frnds.. frm my parents... i dnt knw wat i want frm me! and d few times i have known wat i realy want.. whn i start xpectin sumthng.. u knw wat happens next! whn did anyone evr get wat they xpected??!!
they say u dont get wat u xpect..only wat u deserve...
i hv a confession to make.. im scared wil i ever deserve anythng?... i am a GOD fearing person,nd im afraid i hv offended him more no of times than it is allowd... dont ask me how..im not puttin up my list of sins on the internet! ;-)
I DNT KNW!!
they say dont worry...it wil all fall into place..evrythng wil be ok.. thngs wil happen... i dont thnk so.. i am jus shit scared!
its not tht i havent done my part... yes i workd hard to get sumthng whch seems like a gud thng (again im not sure if ths is xactly wat i want..but as of now ts d best option i hv!)... so i'll jus wait for the results!
maybe sum1 mite say these r groundless fears...but im scared abt the thngs whch happen to me w/o me havin done anythng to get such results... whn frnds bitch abt me behind my bk... whn they deceive u whn all u did ws trust thm.. whn u get manipulated by sum1 for their selfish interests.. whn luvd ones walk away..whn all u wantd ws to be luvd back... cant remenber wat did i do to deserve all ths nd more...

i dnt knw....

Pen & paper rules!

I like postin on my blog (as against wat others feel!).. but nothing beats writin in my diary! :) its simply so much more better! i felt better after putting down stuff here... but something was incomplete!
And thn i spotted my ol' diary... nd i cudnt resist the temptation of scribbling in it! And now after havin done tht i feel so much more at peace wid myself! :-))

Why?

Why do i have to stay away?
Why do we fight with the ones we love the most?
Why am i hurt each time i expect?
Why is it so difficult to express anger and disappointment?
Why do people go away... and then expect to be instantly forgiven when they make a sudden reappearance?
Why is it so difficult to chase your dreams?
Why do i have to abide by the societal norms and conditions and accept them as correct?
Why am i labelled an egotist if i wish to live my life on my own terms & the way i want to?
Why do i have to make a choice between what i want and what people want out of me?
Why aren't friends "FOREVER"?
Is there a qualifying test for determining a person's "trust" factor?
Why can't you be completely independent?
...and the ones u depend on.. Why can't they be a constant factor in your life ?

In holy matrimony...

Its almost unbelievable... she's finally gettin married to him! i never believed they wud last so long..but im more than glad they did!
It all started 5 yrs ago when he fell head over heels in luv wid her... he propsed..she accepted.. they had a marvellous time together- he was in love..she was enjoyin the attention!
I've never believed in Long Distance Relationships... but they are a stark contrast..from being in different countries to different cities (they are finally in the same one!).. they've survived countless fights and innumerable ups and downs... makes one wonder!

She: A Scorpio (i totally believe in sunsigns!), ready to sting,,hardly sugar-coated, very difficult (trust me i know..) very beautiful.. extremely talented.. knows wat she wants- from life and from her guy- and knows how to get it!
He: A Leo.. who knows how to handle this babe! he is dominating..no doubt! but it is slow poison.. u wont even realise but he'll make u do as per his wish!
..she luvs to be pampered..given loads of attention.. made to feel special and he knows exactly how to do it!

..these are two people i've always luvd,respected and admired (.. never made it evident though!).. and to see them finally getting together makes me really happy! :-))

i am not very gud wid words (one may wonder wat am i doing on blogosphere!).. but i really wish these two the BEST in their lives... May GOD bless the two of you!AMEN!

Confused...

I know its difficult to stand up nd accept things...esp feelings.. but its time ppl learnt to do tht...
I try hard..very hard.. to explain myself tht its not possible to get everything u wish for! Dreams dont come true..u know.. Nd thn jus one conversation makes all the difference...
...And now i really wish i had more time... maybe i cud've helped ppl understand wats happening ..or rather we cud've helped each other figure out wats happening!
Its scary at times.. d force behind all of this... its too strong for me to even try resisiting it..
but tell me sumthng.. isnt it gud to be honest?? atleast wid ur own self...

home..

finally! :-)
thr r no words 2 describe ths feelin... no doubt it feels simply awesome to be home.. but thr's a tiny li'l incomplete feelin inside me... as if i left somethng behind in pune... tht city has seen too much..it knows too much... thr were times whn d streets..d lanes..almost haunted me! in fact i was glad tht i'll be gettin rid of thm whn i cum home! ..nd now tht i am here..i miss tht place... it has too many memories..nd w/o thm i feel incomplete...
Though im not exactly fond of the city.. the yrs spent in pune r more than special for me! they've brought sum of d most imp ppl of my life..nd they've also seen me grow as a person..
...to all those ppl associated wid pune... plz know tht u've made a difference to my life in an unforgettable way! thanks for everythng...

I miss you..

Gimme a reason
Why I'm feeling so blue
Everytime I close my eyes, all I see is you
Gimme a reason
Why I can't feel my heart
Everytime you leave my side, I just fall apart

And when you're fast asleep, I wonder where you go
Can you tell me, I wanna know

Because I miss you
And this is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful
These three words have said it all
You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong
I don't need to carry on

Gimme a reason
Why I can't concentrate
The world is turning upside down
Spinning round and round
Gimme a reason
Why I now understand
The beauty and simplicity of everything surrounding me

You got a way of spreading magic everywhere
Anywhere I go, I know you're always there
It sounds ridiculous, but when you leave a room
There's a part of me that just wants to follow you too

Because I miss you
And this is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful
These three words have said it all
You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong
I don't need to carry on

It's such a hard life in most of the time
I'm just surviving
That's why I want you to know
In the world where sincerity has lost its meaning
You fill my world with so much hope

And I miss you
This is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful
These three words have said it all
You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong
I don't need to carry on

You know I miss you
And this all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful
These three words have said it all

You know I miss you
And this is all I wanna do
I know it doesn't sound too cool
But maybe I'm in love with you

You know I miss you
And this all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong
I don't need to carry on

I just miss you
Yeah, it's true
I miss you, baby
And when you're walking out that door
I know I miss you
You make me wanna ask for more
I just miss you
Yeah, it's true
I miss you, baby

...tht's Darren Hayes for u...

CAT...???

Aaaaarrrrggghhhh......
i thnk tht's exactly how i feel abt my cat prep...
sent my CAT appln form today to IIM B'lore...
D-day : Nov 19 2006... 2 and a half hrs..tht's it!
Judging by my performance in d mocks tht im writin rt now... to me; ..standing in d queue (fisrt to purchase the form nd thn at the post office today)..shiverin coz i was completely drenched..thanks to the rain GODS; sendin the form seemed like an utter waste of time & ofcourse money!!
..this is a part of the conversation betn me nd my guiding alter ego(AE)
AE: but thn isnt this wat u always wanted?isnt ths d reason y u quit from CL??
Moi: i knw..but its so frustrating! 1 particular test..i goofed up in parajumbles.. practised..almost perfected it..next day i screwed up grammar nd vocab!
Quant... NO COMMENTS!
DI...i suck at it! :( :(
AE: hey..ths is jus d beginnin! u were never Miss.Perfect anyways.. realise tht nd jus keep practisin relentlessly.. nuthng beats hardwork swthrt!!
Moi: (sulking...) yeah..but sumtimes its too much to take!
AE: u knew it was gonna be tough!! u knw wat..jus hang in thr for a few more days.. thngs will be bttr whn u r at home! :)
Moi: Hmmm.... i hope.. Maa always manages to soothe my strained nerves!
..am missin u mom :(

its a new life...

well..atleast its meant to be!
yday was my last day at work...feels weird to wake up in d morn and not get ready for work in a jiffy! gues it wil take time gettin used to it...
...Change is inevitable..agreed.. but if too many (IMP)things around u start changing at once.. dont u feel kinda lost..unstable even..??
...a 2-day breather is all tht i had given myself to get accustomed to these changes nd move on inspite of them... unfortunately i took an entire week... and am still struggling!! :)
...Is it by any means a sign of weakness??... am i givin sumone/sumthng too much uncalled-for-importance and denying myself the same?