i knw....

gues i use tht a lot whn i talk...
but how much do i realy knw?? good qtion..

i dnt knw wats happenin in a month frm now.. i dnt knw wat wil happen in d 1st week of jan... i dnt knw wats goin to happen to me in 2 mnths frm nw... if these r baseless qtions coz they r related to d future... chuck these...
i dnt knw wat i want frm life... frm my frnds.. frm my parents... i dnt knw wat i want frm me! and d few times i have known wat i realy want.. whn i start xpectin sumthng.. u knw wat happens next! whn did anyone evr get wat they xpected??!!
they say u dont get wat u xpect..only wat u deserve...
i hv a confession to make.. im scared wil i ever deserve anythng?... i am a GOD fearing person,nd im afraid i hv offended him more no of times than it is allowd... dont ask me how..im not puttin up my list of sins on the internet! ;-)
I DNT KNW!!
they say dont worry...it wil all fall into place..evrythng wil be ok.. thngs wil happen... i dont thnk so.. i am jus shit scared!
its not tht i havent done my part... yes i workd hard to get sumthng whch seems like a gud thng (again im not sure if ths is xactly wat i want..but as of now ts d best option i hv!)... so i'll jus wait for the results!
maybe sum1 mite say these r groundless fears...but im scared abt the thngs whch happen to me w/o me havin done anythng to get such results... whn frnds bitch abt me behind my bk... whn they deceive u whn all u did ws trust thm.. whn u get manipulated by sum1 for their selfish interests.. whn luvd ones walk away..whn all u wantd ws to be luvd back... cant remenber wat did i do to deserve all ths nd more...

i dnt knw....

Pen & paper rules!

I like postin on my blog (as against wat others feel!).. but nothing beats writin in my diary! :) its simply so much more better! i felt better after putting down stuff here... but something was incomplete!
And thn i spotted my ol' diary... nd i cudnt resist the temptation of scribbling in it! And now after havin done tht i feel so much more at peace wid myself! :-))

Why?

Why do i have to stay away?
Why do we fight with the ones we love the most?
Why am i hurt each time i expect?
Why is it so difficult to express anger and disappointment?
Why do people go away... and then expect to be instantly forgiven when they make a sudden reappearance?
Why is it so difficult to chase your dreams?
Why do i have to abide by the societal norms and conditions and accept them as correct?
Why am i labelled an egotist if i wish to live my life on my own terms & the way i want to?
Why do i have to make a choice between what i want and what people want out of me?
Why aren't friends "FOREVER"?
Is there a qualifying test for determining a person's "trust" factor?
Why can't you be completely independent?
...and the ones u depend on.. Why can't they be a constant factor in your life ?

In holy matrimony...

Its almost unbelievable... she's finally gettin married to him! i never believed they wud last so long..but im more than glad they did!
It all started 5 yrs ago when he fell head over heels in luv wid her... he propsed..she accepted.. they had a marvellous time together- he was in love..she was enjoyin the attention!
I've never believed in Long Distance Relationships... but they are a stark contrast..from being in different countries to different cities (they are finally in the same one!).. they've survived countless fights and innumerable ups and downs... makes one wonder!

She: A Scorpio (i totally believe in sunsigns!), ready to sting,,hardly sugar-coated, very difficult (trust me i know..) very beautiful.. extremely talented.. knows wat she wants- from life and from her guy- and knows how to get it!
He: A Leo.. who knows how to handle this babe! he is dominating..no doubt! but it is slow poison.. u wont even realise but he'll make u do as per his wish!
..she luvs to be pampered..given loads of attention.. made to feel special and he knows exactly how to do it!

..these are two people i've always luvd,respected and admired (.. never made it evident though!).. and to see them finally getting together makes me really happy! :-))

i am not very gud wid words (one may wonder wat am i doing on blogosphere!).. but i really wish these two the BEST in their lives... May GOD bless the two of you!AMEN!

Confused...

I know its difficult to stand up nd accept things...esp feelings.. but its time ppl learnt to do tht...
I try hard..very hard.. to explain myself tht its not possible to get everything u wish for! Dreams dont come true..u know.. Nd thn jus one conversation makes all the difference...
...And now i really wish i had more time... maybe i cud've helped ppl understand wats happening ..or rather we cud've helped each other figure out wats happening!
Its scary at times.. d force behind all of this... its too strong for me to even try resisiting it..
but tell me sumthng.. isnt it gud to be honest?? atleast wid ur own self...

home..

finally! :-)
thr r no words 2 describe ths feelin... no doubt it feels simply awesome to be home.. but thr's a tiny li'l incomplete feelin inside me... as if i left somethng behind in pune... tht city has seen too much..it knows too much... thr were times whn d streets..d lanes..almost haunted me! in fact i was glad tht i'll be gettin rid of thm whn i cum home! ..nd now tht i am here..i miss tht place... it has too many memories..nd w/o thm i feel incomplete...
Though im not exactly fond of the city.. the yrs spent in pune r more than special for me! they've brought sum of d most imp ppl of my life..nd they've also seen me grow as a person..
...to all those ppl associated wid pune... plz know tht u've made a difference to my life in an unforgettable way! thanks for everythng...

I miss you..

Gimme a reason
Why I'm feeling so blue
Everytime I close my eyes, all I see is you
Gimme a reason
Why I can't feel my heart
Everytime you leave my side, I just fall apart

And when you're fast asleep, I wonder where you go
Can you tell me, I wanna know

Because I miss you
And this is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful
These three words have said it all
You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong
I don't need to carry on

Gimme a reason
Why I can't concentrate
The world is turning upside down
Spinning round and round
Gimme a reason
Why I now understand
The beauty and simplicity of everything surrounding me

You got a way of spreading magic everywhere
Anywhere I go, I know you're always there
It sounds ridiculous, but when you leave a room
There's a part of me that just wants to follow you too

Because I miss you
And this is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful
These three words have said it all
You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong
I don't need to carry on

It's such a hard life in most of the time
I'm just surviving
That's why I want you to know
In the world where sincerity has lost its meaning
You fill my world with so much hope

And I miss you
This is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful
These three words have said it all
You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong
I don't need to carry on

You know I miss you
And this all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful
These three words have said it all

You know I miss you
And this is all I wanna do
I know it doesn't sound too cool
But maybe I'm in love with you

You know I miss you
And this all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong
I don't need to carry on

I just miss you
Yeah, it's true
I miss you, baby
And when you're walking out that door
I know I miss you
You make me wanna ask for more
I just miss you
Yeah, it's true
I miss you, baby

...tht's Darren Hayes for u...

CAT...???

Aaaaarrrrggghhhh......
i thnk tht's exactly how i feel abt my cat prep...
sent my CAT appln form today to IIM B'lore...
D-day : Nov 19 2006... 2 and a half hrs..tht's it!
Judging by my performance in d mocks tht im writin rt now... to me; ..standing in d queue (fisrt to purchase the form nd thn at the post office today)..shiverin coz i was completely drenched..thanks to the rain GODS; sendin the form seemed like an utter waste of time & ofcourse money!!
..this is a part of the conversation betn me nd my guiding alter ego(AE)
AE: but thn isnt this wat u always wanted?isnt ths d reason y u quit from CL??
Moi: i knw..but its so frustrating! 1 particular test..i goofed up in parajumbles.. practised..almost perfected it..next day i screwed up grammar nd vocab!
Quant... NO COMMENTS!
DI...i suck at it! :( :(
AE: hey..ths is jus d beginnin! u were never Miss.Perfect anyways.. realise tht nd jus keep practisin relentlessly.. nuthng beats hardwork swthrt!!
Moi: (sulking...) yeah..but sumtimes its too much to take!
AE: u knew it was gonna be tough!! u knw wat..jus hang in thr for a few more days.. thngs will be bttr whn u r at home! :)
Moi: Hmmm.... i hope.. Maa always manages to soothe my strained nerves!
..am missin u mom :(

its a new life...

well..atleast its meant to be!
yday was my last day at work...feels weird to wake up in d morn and not get ready for work in a jiffy! gues it wil take time gettin used to it...
...Change is inevitable..agreed.. but if too many (IMP)things around u start changing at once.. dont u feel kinda lost..unstable even..??
...a 2-day breather is all tht i had given myself to get accustomed to these changes nd move on inspite of them... unfortunately i took an entire week... and am still struggling!! :)
...Is it by any means a sign of weakness??... am i givin sumone/sumthng too much uncalled-for-importance and denying myself the same?